Reports of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated



This afternoon I was able to access my school division email just fine; but this evening I was denied access, red letters screaming at me that my login was invalid. This is the email address that staff and students are using to remain in contact with me, and to send me prayers and well wishes.

Apparently, some sensitive soul (I'm pretty sure I know who) at my school has declared me a non-person, and removed me from the system.

Somebody needs to tell this guy I'm not dead yet.

Boogersnot



After looking at recliners, Curtis and I made a purchase on Saturday morning, of a beautiful leather reclining sofa for our rec room, the kind with two side-by-side recliners. We arranged to have my niece pick up the sofa we were replacing. Thought everything was going smoothly, and awaited this evening's delivery with excitement.

The buffoons who brought this almost $2000 piece of furniture, tried to cram it down our stairwell. When I arrived home from a medical appointment, they were in the midst of muscling it back upstairs where they disassembled it into two pieces. It took them about two minutes to do this, easily take it down, and reassemble it. Too bad they didn't get this brainstorm before they managed to mangle the furniture and our cedar tongue-and-groove walls, as well as break hunks out of the (pressboard) ledging that surrounds two sides of the stairwell.

I telephoned the manager of the furniture store, and she promised to send a contractor on Thursday to assess the damage and the necessary repairs to our home. As for the sofa, they will send a technician to determine whether or not it can be repaired.

At this point I am struggling between remaining calm and letting them take care of things, which they will, or telling them to stick the sofa where the sun don't shine.
This is stress that Curtis and I definitely do not need at this time.

By the way, the specialist I saw this afternoon told me that the lump in my jaw is a cyst on my parotid gland. It's benign, but will become reinfected and balloon up again unless it is dealt with. He is ordering a ct-scan, which he promised will be very soon, in order to discover whether it can be aspirated, or needs surgical removal. It will be a minor procedure.

Sigh.

Plagiarism



This past week, Scott Taylor, a journalist for the Winnipeg Free Press for 23 years, was disgraced publicly when he was accused of plagiarism. The substance of his column was alleged to be, aside from a few altered words, someone else's speech. There is disagreement as to whether Taylor was fired or resigned.

I wish I were in the classroom right now, for this is indeed a teachable moment. For over 25 years, I have tried to educate my students as to the perils and dishonesty of claiming another person's ideas and words as one's own. I try to impress upon them that plagiarism is academic theft, and can result in immediate expulsion from universities across Canada. In Taylor's case, it cost him a secure career and his reputation. During the first part of my sick leave, I marked some essays and discovered that three of them had been downloaded from internet sites. It's not a transgression that I take personally; I'm not offended by it. But I am very concerned for those students who are guilty of it, and anxious to impress upon them the seriousness of even unintentionally using someone else's ideas without properly acknowledging their source. Better to err on the side of caution, I tell them; besides, they get cudos for having had the initiative to do some research.

It all boils down to a basic principle that I was taught as a child: That, although you may profit from taking the easy way out for a while, eventually it catches up with you. Cheaters never prosper.

Hey Y'all



Well? Ah jes got off'n the telephone with mah dahlin blogfren' flax, and lemme tell ya? She is the sweetes' thang? Jes lahk ah knew she would be? Ah even got ta heayuh her husban' Ricky and her dowtah medicmom on her beepah phone, all the way from Alabama?

We had ourselfs the best convahsashun, laughed ourselfs silly and even shed a tear or tew? It was WONDAHFUL!

But now ah caint stop tawkin lahk this, drawlin and tawkin lahk everythang's a question?

Smile.

More Questions Than Answers

I saw my oncologist this morning. He says I am a "conundrum" because he doesn't know what the two "funny" masses in my abdomen are. They are next to my uterus, and kidney cancer just doesn't go there. He is going to consult with the "brilliant" radiologist at Cancer Care Manitoba, to ask him about the possibility of doing a needle biopsy within the next couple of weeks to identify what they are.

The three lesions in my right lung are kidney cancer mets, and they are "not curable." He described metastatic renal cancer as being very unpredictable, in that in some patients it moves like wildfire through their bodies, in others it moves very slowly, and in one out of 600 patients, it actually spontaneously regresses (the tumors even shrinking). So there is no way to determine yet what my prognosis is. So....

He wants to wait for 6-8 weeks before repeating all the scans and ultrasound, to see if there is any change. On the basis of that, we will discuss whether or not I am willing to participate in one of two drug trials for which I qualify.

He cannot explain the flank pain that sent me to my doctor in the first place; he fears that there may be something on a rib that was not picked up in the ct scans, so tomorrow at 11 am I am having a bone scan done.

They also took blood and are doing a bunch of bloodwork, but none of the tests is very reliable as far as RCC is concerned.

That's it.

20 Questions to a Better Relationship


eXpressive: 2/10
Practical: 5/10
Physical: 3/10
Giver: 8/10
You are a RPIG--Reserved Practical Intellectual Giver. This makes you a Rock of Gibraltar.

You are loyal, kind, thoughtful and conscientious. You're a good person. You make everyone around you happier and better, even if you yourself are not at your happiest or best. You just care so much about your friends and loved ones that you can't help giving them everything of yourself. It can wear you out, but you'd never let on.

You're successful, smart and fun to be with, but your self-esteem could use some boosting. You don't like conflict, and you don't like demanding things for yourself, so you can feel unappreciated. But then you wonder if you don't deserve to be appreciated. You do!

You have many small crushes, but it takes you ages to get to a serious stage with someone. You get so caught up second-guessing yourself and worrying if the other person really *likes* likes you that you never dare to make the first move. Generally you end up with another clever RPIG who knows one when s/he sees one. This adds up to one long courtship. Fortunately this also adds up to one long marriage.

You would never cheat. You would never hurt anyone's feelings. You are so sympathetic and give so many second chances that it takes a lo-o-ong time for anyone to get on your bad side.

Your only problem is you can be *too* thoughtful -- you can end up worrying and getting hung up over nothing.

You may be a boy scout.

Of the 157878 people who have taken this quiz, 7.1 % are this type.

Go here to take this quiz.

Snow Angels



In western Canada, making angels in the snow has been, and probably always will be, a favourite winter pasttime for kids of all ages. We know darn well that we or others have created those impressions; nonetheless we feel there is something magical and protective about them. Some destructive little urchins might feel compelled to ruin a sand castle on a beach, but most will step reverantly around a snow angel discovered on the way home from play.

I believe that angels come in all manifestations, some physical, some not. I feel their presence all the time, and I've had the privilege to have some of them call me friend.

Some of these angels read this blog, and some send emails and healing missives through the physical mail in a generous effort to provide comfort and friendship. Some have shown up on my doorstep with cards and flowers, a balloon bouquet or hugs.

All of you are like snow angels in that you've made indelible imprints on my heart. But unlike the angels in the snow, your presence in my life will never melt away.

You can count on that.

Something in the Wind



Seems everywhere I turn these days, there are posts, jokes, stories about people and animals breaking wind. I, for one, am appalled, and would never stoop to anything like that. *

*Note: Okay, I was tryin to be cute, but I can't get the link to take you directly to the post: It's dated June 30, 2003, near the bottom of the page, and it's entitled, "Life's a Gas". So I'm HTML impaired....

Fun



It's important to try to have a little fun every day of your life.

Some of the Greetings from My 120 Kids



Ms. Crush, please please, please!!! Come back; class is brutal without you. - Mark G.

Hey Ms. Crush, I miss you like crazy. English is awful without you here. We miss your amazing glow, that smile that brightens our day just by walking into class. I hope you get well...I know you will. You are the only one that could handle us, we don't like change! All my prayers, love, Michaela.

Mrs. Crush, I'm sorry about all those missing homeworks. I promise I will do my homeworks from now on! - Sean L.

Dear Mrs. Crush, We miss your cheerful presence and enthusiasm! Hope you get better soon and keep smiling! Sincerely, April D.

Mrs. Crush, hope you get better again, the class just isn't the same. Things are horrible now. We miss you as a class. Come back ASAP. - Kevin D.

Mrs. Crush, you are the best the coolest the funniest the weirdest teacher ever come back to teach soon. From Emily.

Dearest Lushes Crushes, How you light up our days, with your smile and your bubbly laughter. We'll miss you, and I shall pray for your sickness. - Michelle and Jenny.

Ms. Crush, You are an amazing teacher and we hope you can beat this and come back to teach us soon. You'll be in my prayers. God bless you. - Liz.

We love you. - Leif I.

You are so beautiful to me, can't you see. - Nadege V.

I hope you get well soon, we all miss you soooo much, nobody can replace you, I hope you love the card! All our love, Natashia P.

Hey Mrs. Crush, Hope you get better. You don't know how much we all miss you. - Dan.

I don't like our new sub come back soon. - Alex.

English aint the same without you! - Evan.

Mrs. Crush, English won't be as fun without you! We miss you and we're thinking of you. Keep smiling. - Kathryn.

etc etc etc

I am loved.

And it feels good.

Relax



In the face of adversity, just breathe....

Peace



If they can get along, why can't we?

Run, Don't Blogwalk



....to Heather's blog, to read about her cat Rudy's misadventure. An amazing story.

A Pretty Good Day


hope

Today, Curtis and I went out for a very nice breakfast while our truck lights were being aimed at Tony's (our favourite car repair shop). Then we got a few necessities and Curtis hooked up the ice maker in our new fridge. The doorbell rang and there was the biggest balloon bouquet ever, a get well greeting sent by my friend and colleague, Kim. It was tethered to a jar of plump, tasty jelly beans. Milo, our tabby, chewed through the ribbon and scared the dickens out of himself when the helium balloons fled to the ceiling, so I got great entertainment value out of it. I received a charming email from a boy in one of my grade 11 classes, and a couple of truly lovely ecards from online friends. I started a new cross-stitch project, a pasttime I find very relaxing.

Now if only someone could remove the knife that feels like it's sticking into my side, I could forget all about the black cloud looming over my head.

Hmmmmmmm

Now if I could only figure out how to swallow that laser light....



Hummingbird Spirit Calls To You!
Hummingbird represents optimism and sweetness. Being able to roll with the punches is an attribute of Hummingbird.
Hummingbirds's Wisdom Includes:
Ability to heal by using light as a laser from mouth
Endurance over long journeys
Ability to fly into small places to heal
Joy
Happiness
Love
Messenger, stopper of time.

We Must Remember



None of my relatives were soldiers, but many of them were on the front lines during World War II. They lived in the southern part of Holland, one of the most heavily bombed areas of Europe. They endured Nazi occupation for seven long years. I grew up with stories of the terror, deprivation, illness and bravery experienced by urban civilians during that time. My Opa, my dad's dad, whom I know only through black and white photographs, found himself on the street in his pajamas in the middle of the night, clutching the only thing he had left from the flattened ruins of his home - the pillow on which he had been sleeping. He lived the rest of his life with my parents and older siblings.

So much loss, so much fear. We must learn from this. We must remember.

Tempis Fugit



Waiting stinks. It's so hard. My doctor called Cancer Care for me this afternoon to ask them what was happening with my case. The woman there paged the doctor (Janowski or something) who is supposed to be acting as my oncologist, but he didn't answer. Tomorrow is Remembrance, so nothing will happen then. She promised to page him first thing Friday morning. The clock keeps ticking....

In the meantime, everything I read about RCC mets is gloom and doom, especially when they are multiple and in multiple locations, as mine are. That, coupled with how lousy I feel, makes it hard to be optimistic.

I need to stop crying. I'm real good at it, but I look awful when I do it. How that Nikki Newman on Y & R can bawl her face off and still look good is beyond me - How come she doesn't get all splotchy and puffed up, the way I do?

Tomorrow, Curtis is off work, so we're going to drive the new car over to Mom's and take her for a little spin. Then we'll swing by my brother Fred's and show it off to him; he loves cars. The diversion will do both of us good, and we'll have something positive to talk about.

I'm getting lots of supportive emails from colleagues, friends and students. How do I tell those kids how unlikely it is that I'll ever return? They're so filled with innocence and naivete; it's like they don't believe it's possible their teacher could die. Bless their hearts. I miss them already.

Cats are So Weird



They can make even THIS look comfortable.

Grateful



I'm so grateful to be alive, to have love in my life, pets that I adore, friends and family who care about me. Last night, Curtis called me out on the driveway to watch the most amazing spectacle of Northern Lights that I've ever seen. How can so much beauty and splendour exist?

I enjoy the regular practice of breathing in and out, and I'm not ready to stop yet; I'm just gettin the hang of it.

I've had a couple of close brushes with the Grim Reaper before, although this is the greatest amount of peril I've ever been in. It makes a body philosophical. I listened intently to Father Maynard's sermon on Sunday, in which he read us the following. I thought they were great words to live by:

The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith


People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Many Thanks to All



Especially Phyllis; what you did was very kind, and I'll never forget it.

Curtis and I took our day trip yesterday to Grand Forks in our new PT Cruiser. What a comfortable and luxurious ride. Curtis loves driving it, so if I end up out of commission for a while, I suspect he'll be the one rackin up the mileage on our new baby. We stocked up on the brands of shampoo and deoderant that he loves, and luckily, they were on sale so cheap it was incredible. We also got him 15 t-shirts, two henley's, one dress shirt, a flannel hoody, three pairs of pants, two pairs of shoes, and a winter jacket. We both got a couple of bottles of our favourite stink, and had a great meal at the Ground Round. It was a day of bargains and excess, and just what we both needed.

Today my brother Fred broke the news to my mom, admonishing her to keep her hysterics to herself. To her credit, she was a real trooper on the phone with me later on, her voice a little quavery at times, but under admirable control.

At church, Curtis discreetly told Father Henry about my cancer, and he laid his hands on me and prayed fervently for healing.

I'm not afraid for myself, but I am terribly upset about what Curtis may have to face. I will do whatever is required to fight this demon, and if it takes me, that is God's will. But Curtis and I have many plans and goals for sharing our retirement years together, and I fiercely want to realize them. So don't think for one minute that I am resigned to this terrible disease.

I should be hearing from the Cancer Care centre very soon, and I'll keep you posted. God bless.

A Request for Prayers

My kidney cancer, in remission for three years, has metastasized to my right lung and my uterus. My doctor has referred me to the Cancer Care centre, and I should be hearing from an oncologist there, early in the week.

I'm stunned, but more than that, heartbroken that Curtis will have to suffer through the serious illness of another loved one.

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, but I'm gonna fight my hardest, I promise you that.

A Quick Update



Deciding that continuing my normal routine would be best, I went in to teach this morning. Around 11:30 am I got a phone message from the hospital, asking if I could make it there for 1:00 pm for an emergency ultrasound and ct-scan. So I arranged for a sub for the afternoon and had the tests done. They even scanned my head (despite the fact that I told them they wouldn't find anything in there). My doctor should get the results on Monday.

It's kind of scary to be fast-tracked this way, as things usually move much more slowly in the Canadian health care system. (After all, I waited 8 weeks for my initial ct.) You jump the queue only if you're suspected of being at serious risk. But at least I don't have to endure another agonizing wait.

Curtis and I plan to take our new Cruiser to Grand Forks for the day on Saturday. I need a diversion, and nothing does it for me quite like a little cross-border shopping. I may finally get to nosh on some of those Krispy Kremes that everyone's always rhapsodizing about.

Good News and Bad News

The good news is that I have my brand new PT Cruiser, and she's a beauty! Fully loaded, which is really something for a woman who's never had power ANYTHING before (I thought it was a big deal when I got a car with air conditioning). Last night we took photos outside, but it was very dark, and since the car is black, you can't see it very clearly. Today it's raining. But soon, I'll post a picture - I'll be the cheshire cat behind the wheel.

Now for the bad news: My doctor phoned last night while we were out pickin up our car, and asked me to come in the following morning to go over my ct-scan results. They're not good: There are two fairly large nodules on my uterus, and one on my right lung, neither of which was there on my last scan in April of 2003. As soon as she can book it, I will undergo another ct-scan (of my lung), and an internal ultrasound (oh yippee, that's a real funfest: you're gonna put that curling iron WHERE?). These will confirm whether or not the nodules are malignant, and if they are, my doctor will hook me up with an oncologist to determine if they're operable. The bugger about kidney cancer is that it is not treatable - you have to excise it.

I had a couple of brief anxiety attacks today following my doctor visit, but overall, I'm keeping a stiff upper lip. It's my practice to conserve my energy and wait until I have all of the facts before I invest too much emotion into a crisis. What broke my heart was when I drove away from Curtis' shop (he'd asked me to come by on my way back to class this afternoon, because he wanted the report, plus he wanted to show off the car to the guys), and saw him break down into tears. I must be strong for him.

The rest is in God's hands. In the meantime, I have some killer wheels and I'm gonna enjoy em.

Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes; please keep em comin.