Joyful Abandon



Meet Jillian, Fiona, Chloe and Molly. They are four of many bean bag dolls I used to make and sell at craft fairs. I liked their whimsical rompers and never made two of the same fabric. (I used to drive the sales clerks nuts at the fabric stores, buyin .5 meters of this and .3 meters of that). The only one I kept was Chloe, who was my "firstborn" and the best-behaved, as you can see.

I started off making the dolls for gifts, and then people began to order them. I was so flattered that people liked them enough to buy them. I always named them the same way I do my pets: by lookin at their faces and deciding that they looked like a _________. In addition to the little girls pictured above were Rosemary, Abby, Dierdre, Vanessa, Celia, Gwen, Kelsey, Jenna Jean, Lindsay, Marlys, Kirstie, Joy, Bonnie, Hannah, Jennifer, Hillary, Stacy, Sara, Lizzie, Jodie, Ashley, Chelsea, and Ophelia. Borrowing from the Cabbage Patch doll idea, I wrote each doll's name, along with my signature, on her left knee. The occasional doll had a heart-shaped birthmark on her right hand, which when pressed, activated a music button that played a lullaby.

I also made muslin bunnies with bloomers, dresses and pinafores - again no two alike. I'll post some photos in a day or two, as I've been having some scanner problems.

Each creation gave me pleasure to produce, which I expressed in posing the first four exuberantly romping on the chesterfield. We should all feel such joy in life, shouldn't we?

Baked Kindness



I had a bit of a rough day today. One of those days on which I am inexplicably sad and close to tears for no discernible reason. I don't give way to that often, but it does happen.

And then the doorbell rang.

I answered, bleary-eyed and still in my nightgown and bathrobe. There stood a cheery man with a lovely red box of a baker's dozen of gourmet cookies, sent over by our car salesman, Richard M. I opened the beautifully beribboned box and admired its contents; later I ate one of its delights with a glass of cold milk. It was good. It had better be; they are scandalously expensive, as I learned when Googling for the image above.

Richard is a rare breed of man: a car salesman with a heart. He insists that I am brave, his thank you card reading, "truly courageous." I protest, claiming that it is not courage but a tenacious greed for more life that drives me. He won't buy it.

Thanks, Richard. I'll be calling.

Rainbows



My mom is improving. She is off the intravenous, and is being treated for a urinary tract infection on a different ward. Physio is trying to get her walking again.

My face has begun to heal. The swelling has gone down, the redness has faded a bit, and the skin is peeling. As a final insult, a few sores have erupted on and inside my mouth, but maybe that's just the poison of the radiation workin its way out of my system.

Things are lookin up.

Oh, What a Day



My 90 year old mom is in hospital, on a geriatric medical ward. She's not doing so well, after collapsing in her apartment shortly after her return from respite. She is dehydrated from severe bouts of diahrrea, has a urinary tract infection, and has a weak and irregular heartbeat. Although she was lucid when Curtis and I visited her this morning, she is very groggy and incapable of standing or feeding herself. The fact that she is uncharacteristically and eerily calm is proof of how weak she is.

I'm worried.

One of the two brothers I have who live in this city, is away for one more week at his condo in Florida, and he's in a tough position as to whether or not he should curtail his holiday. I don't know what to advise him, so I have abstained, leaving the decision up to him. *Update* - At my suggestion, my brother spoke to my mom's nurse, who assured him that Mom is in no immediate danger. That was a big relief to hear.

On a totally different note, Curtis and I closed a deal this evening on the lease of a new truck to replace our beloved Dodge Dakota. (Another one again, but even purtier and without high mileage....but I'll let Curtis blog about that in more detail. He has a hilarious post right now about a near "neutering" at the dealership today.)

Thanks for everyone's prayers and good wishes. Although I continue to be plagued by radiation side effects (I have a whole new appreciation for those old sci-fi novels that described radiation sickness), my stomach has settled down. What a Godsend. Maybe I really am over the worst, which means I can look forward to gradual improvement. Woot woot.

This Post Brought to You By the Number



I've been doin a lot of lyin around lately, trying to recoup from the ravages of some very intensive radiation therapy to a tumor on my left temple. I have a habit of lying with my legs in the form of the number 4, which our tabby Milo finds a particularly comfortable configuration. He loves to snuggle, either under or on top of the covers, inside the triangle of my 4, or in the open space beneath it. Either way, he's a lot of cat, and that can result in my limbs being pinned in the same position for long periods of time.

Don't get me wrong; he's a great comfort. There's little else that feels more calming than the thrum of a purring cat against your limbs.

Milo is completely unabashed about his quest for coziness: I am there to serve him.

It's as simple as that.

See Curtis' blog.

Hard Times

I may not be around much for the next little while. The radiation side effects are taking their toll; I hope they have peaked. It's getting increasingly difficult to keep any food down - Hopefully some stronger meds will be delivered this evening that will prevent stomach acid.

All of this is really tough on Curtis, so please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

Hope



It isn't too often that I come away from a consultation with my oncologist with a positive feeling, but today was a welcome exception. After my second last (woo hoo!) radiation treatment this afternoon, Curtis and I waited to see Dr. C in one of the sunny solarium sections of the beautiful CancerCare building. (Curtis was home, nursing a work-related injury and accompanied me to my appointments.) So, from beginning to end, the afternoon was more comforting just on account of his presence.

Dr. C checked me out, grilled me with questions about my condition, and gave me a prescription to reduce the stomach acid that is making me vomit up all that nasty bile (ughhhhhh). Then he told me that I needed to recover for four weeks from the radiation therapy before I could start the trial drug. I will welcome the break, believe me: Driving to the hospital five days a week has gotten very tiresome. Biggest of all, he assuaged my fears about the laundry list of possible side effects by telling me that few patients on Sutent have reported much in the way of unpleasant symptoms. I am filled with hope now, that I won't be as miserable as I was on the interferon, and that I will be able to withstand treatment long enough to see some benefits from it.

I'm so tomato-red and raw on the left side of my face, that I look like someone who fell asleep on her side in the sun, or who snow-skied wearing only half a balaclava....but Curtis and I are pretty convinced that, not only has the swelling gone down, but the tumor is beginning to shrink. The effects of radiation, both beneficial and injurious, continue for some time after treatment ends, so the next few weeks will tell the tale for certain.

Two Years Ago Today



On Dec. 28, I posted a picture of fruit, the traditional gift for a fourth wedding anniversary. Today I am posting cotton, which represents a second anniversary. Two years ago today, Curtis and I renewed our wedding vows in the presence of family and friends, in beautiful Holy Trinity Church. Father Robin conducted a wonderfully warm service, filled with love, faith and humour; and afterwards, we all enjoyed a lovely dinner at our favourite little restaurant. It was a special day, just like every day that I spend with my Curtis.

I'd do it all again.

And again.

And again.

It's All in the Jeans....Well, MOST of It



Several months ago I did a closet and dresser-purging and gave away boxes of clothes that I finally admitted I'd never again squeeze into....or if I did, they'd be ridiculously out of fashion. Among them went every pair of jeans that I owned. Of course now, having lost quite a bit of weight thanks to the cancer diet, I've had to give away most of the rest of my pants because they're too big. So yesterday I decided that I'd get me a pair of denims, and I scored a good deal on them as well as some khaki pants. I figured I was about 5-6 pounds away from a good fit on the khakis, but thought I'd used better judgement on the jeans.

Uh uh.

The jeans fit my legs and butt okay, but my still-spongey belleh is another story: I had to literally push in my dough-girl tummy, inch by inch, while coaxing the zipper up a little at a time. They'll stretch, I told myself; blue jeans always do with some wearing.

WHO CHANGED THE RULES? Did they stretch after I put them on today, intending to break them in around the house? Nooooo. I had to lie on the bed (must've been the hot dog and fries I had off the kiddie menu for lunch), and groan and grunt and mangle my gut to raise the zipper. I actually damaged the skin on my finger. I finally lowered the zipper, for fear of breaking it, releasing my grateful lil pooch. (Well, okay, maybe ample would be a better adjective.) I have been unzipped and exposed ever since, my jeans still relentlessly squeezing my innards from underneath.

Maybe I need a strong laxative.

The Latest Scoop on Us



I have some swelling in the radiated area and under that eye, which has made my Annabelle Lecter mask even tighter, something I didn't think was possible. The hair above and around my ear is beginning to fall out, not in huge chunks, but 4-5 strands at a time. Looks more than ever like baby hair when I see it like that. The sunburn effect is beginning, the skin reddening and stinging. The inside of my left cheek and the gums feel a little raw and sandpapery. Since I began treatments I've been having trouble with a very irritated, itchy, dry yet runny (go figure), and bleeding nose. I had a consultation with the radiation oncologist today after my treatment, and he suspects that is another side effect of the radiation. Luckily, a good pharmacist recommended a soothing moisturizing nasal ointment (Secaris) that has an immediate cooling effect.

My mother is having a tough time adjusting to her new surroundings in the nursing home where she is staying for a two week respite. Already, another resident has robbed her of a couple of underpants, toothpaste, a comb and a brush, and a small amount of cash. **See Update below My brother Laurens took her purse and money home for safekeeping, and the nursing home replaced her toiletries. The nurse told me on the phone that Mom wet the bed a couple of times, and wondered from Mom's embarrassed reaction if this was unusual. All I could tell her is that Mom has had accidents before, and we suspect that she is far more incontinent than she will admit. Anyway, she is very unhappy and constantly worried about someone stealin her stuff, so I wonder if she will want to leave her room again during her entire stay.

I saw my drug trial nurse today and learned that the Sutent won't be available until February now. In my case, that's okay, because apparently I have to complete and recover first from any other form of treatment (like radiation) before I can start on it, anyway. She gave me a copy of all the consent and information documents, and the list of possible side effects looks pretty daunting. Well, I'll give it a trooper's try.

I signed up for the "Look Good, Feel Better" workshop offered by CancerCare. It's a couple of hours on skincare and cosmetics for women dealing with the side effects of cancer and its treatment. You're given a boatload of name brand freebies from major manufacturers who donate products for these really nice kits, and I do loves me some free stuff. My mom will benefit from the surplus. January's session was full, so I have to wait until Feb. 14.

I got some real nice stinky stuff for Christmas this year, and I've been enjoying a lot of leisurely baths with it. It's fun to decide which scent I want to pamper myself with each time. I'm such a girl that way.

Curtis finally saw a doctor about what has been plaguing him for weeks, and his heart and blood pressure checked out A-OK, thank goodness. The doc figures he has been fighting a stubborn lung/bronchial infection, and prescribed a strong antibiotic to show it the door.

We are still waiting to hear from our Autopac adjustor; I'll call tomorrow and play squeaky wheel to try to get things moving. In the meantime, the Mister is drivin a spiffy maroon 2006 PT Cruiser, if you please. He's enjoyin it, but I know he'll be happy to get his Baby back again. We are adding an alarm installation to the repairs.

"That's all the news from Lake Woebegone -- where the women are strong, the men are good-looking, and ALL the children are above average."

Update: I spoke to the charge nurse at the home where Mom is. Although kleptomania is not uncommon in nursing homes, my mother has NOT been the victim she alleges. The two panties originally "missing" are being laundered because of her accidents; her comb, brush and toothpaste were found in a box in her dresser drawer, the "stolen" money was found hidden under her mattress, and the brand new panties that she just called me in a panic to report having been stolen, are neatly folded in her dresser drawer as well. I am afraid that this is the beginning of the dementia that I feared would rear itself again.

Oh goodie, more stress.....

Temporarily Ukrainian



Yup, that's me. I've decided to be an honourary Ukrainian for a little while. I just can't seem to find the energy to take down our Christmas tree, so I'm keepin it up to celebrate Ukrainian Christmas this weekend.

Ho ho ho-ski.

Crappy New Year


This year, the New Years baby decided to take a bit of a poo on us

About an hour after we got to our friend Louise's for dinner last night, our friend Marina noticed that our truck lights were flashing. Someone had broken in, attempting to steal it, but they were unsuccessful, thanks to our anti-theft device (Immobilizer). Having smashed the steering column and dash, and ripped out wiring, they rendered the truck undrivable, so we've had it towed to a locked Autopac compound while we wade through the process of claim-making, estimates and repairs. Because we have the Immobilizer, we are entitled to some perks under our insurance, including free towing and car rental while our Dakota is being bandaged up. I've arranged for Curtis to drive a PT Cruiser for the duration, so we'll have two of those puppies sleepin side by side in our garage.

For today, Curtis took my Cruiser to work, since I do not resume treatments until tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'll drive him to work in the morning, come back home for a bit, drive over to CancerCare for my radiation, then drive back home, then pick him up early from work to take him over to the car rental place to get his wheels, then drive back home again. I should be plenty pooped out after that (pun intended).

There are worse things that could happen, but still....

Aw, poop.