Barrier Bay


isn't this the most perfect bird photo? I stole it from Curtis' blog.

We did a lot of bird-watching over the long weekend. It was too cold to do much else, but between the seed feeder and the hummingbird-feeder, we were mesmerized.

We spent most of our time inside, relaxing, enjoying the scenery and the fireplace, and watching movies on the big screen tv. We had some fabbo meals, and I managed fairly well, even with the Greek salad, lemon potatoes and chicken souvlaki. We kept up our annual tradition of baking giant cinnamon buns with cream cheese icing - oh, how it filled the cottage with the most wonderful aroma!

The hot tub helped me to recover from an ouchy fall I had last week when I was in bed yakkin on the phone with my friend, Marina: I tried to get up to look up something for her and my foot got caught in the sheet. Down I went, on top of a tall glass, a water bottle, my purse and some other junk beside the bed. It hurt then, and it hurt plenty later on. My little frog body had some very light bruises that didn't look like much, but, boy howdy. Another bonus about the weekend was that I slept like a baby in that big comfy king-sized bed. Must've been the fresh air.

Curtis' boss and his wife stopped by on their way to their cottage at the next lake down the road. They were kind enough to bring us a bottle of wine; too bad their kids were waiting in the car and they couldn't stay to visit for a while. They were very impressed with our digs.

Even when the weather isn't great, even when you don't get to do everything you planned, when you are surrounded by the beauty of nature, and sharing that exquisite beauty with the one you love, you are filled with joy and rapture.

And we were.

Beautiful Lilacs



The trees are just so beautiful right now, and I was able to appreciate them as Curtis and I drove to three different stores to do our shopping for the weekend. Praise the Lord, I am feeling stronger today! The blood transfusions seem to have kicked in. I was so disappointed yesterday because I still felt weak and crummy. Today, even after all that shopping, I feel better. I had more than half of one of Costco's big fat hot dogs and a tall ice tea, and my tummy feels fine.

The world is a beautiful place again, and I'm going to drink in every ounce of it in lovely Barrier Bay this long weekend. I hope everyone else has an enjoyable time, too.

Gettin a Shot in the Arm

Tests showed that I had not only lost more weight, but that my blood pressure is low, and I am very anemic. Consequently, I have to return to CancerCare tomorrow for a blood transfusion. Hopefully, a couple of units will give me a boost and improve my appetite. What a blessing it will be if it gives me more energy to enjoy Barrier Bay!

Dr C and his nurse Denise are concerned about me, so they think it best that I not start the new drug until I am stronger. They also want me to get a brain ct-scan done, just as a precaution. Denise also mentioned that I should start to consider palliative care in the not-too-distant-future.

Tea Party



Mother's Day, I was barely strong enough to put one foot in front of the other, but my dear Curtis has really stepped up to the plate lately. Not only did he wash the patio cart, cut and arrange Mom's roses, and load up all the tea-making supplies, but he dusted, vacuumed and cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom floors. What can I say, he's the best.

Shortly after we arrived at the nursing home, so did my brother Fred and his wife Diane, with a lovely plant and some more cookies for Mom. It was a nice visit, and Mom was quite overwhelmed by her bounty. She kept tellin me I looked terrible, the worst she'd ever seen - she never was one to be subtle. We stayed for a couple of hours, then I went home to bed.

I felt so sick last night, and I kept barfin up thick green bile (ugh); I have to admit, if the final episode of "Survivor" hadn't been on, I would have asked Curtis to take me to the ER for some intravenous. But I settled down and had a pretty good sleep; I feel a bit better today. I woke up feelin hungry, so I've eaten a whole bunch of yummy peach yogurt and some fresh pineapple.

Tomorrow I see my nurse at CancerCare, and she's going to determine whether I'm ready to start the new drug the following day. I wonder what she'll say when she learns how sick I've been lately.

Saturday we got a tour of my nephew Travis' beautiful new condo. His fiancee, Carmelle, is such a precious girl: she had proudly prepared snacks made from the recipe box I gave her; and she added that she was makin my apple fritters for her mom and sisters for Mother's Day breakfast. She spoke to me on the phone the next day to thank me because they were soooooooooo delicious, and said she was bringin leftovers to her gramma's that evening. What a doll she is.

When Curtis and I popped into Costco on Saturday to get roses for Mom (2 dozen for under 20 bucks!), we saw tons of people buyin bedding plants. I hope they plan to wait until after the long weekend to plant, because there's always danger of frost. And I long to find the energy to put in our own flowers this year.

This week I have to muster up the strength to get organized for Barrier Bay on the weekend. Curtis and I are both lookin forward to it with gleaming eyes.

Speakin of shiny eyes, if you want to see a truly fitting tribute to a wonderful man, visit John's blog and watch the wonderful videos he lovingly prepared in memory of Rocky.

Tired of Being Tired

Yesterday I went to the pet food store and got a large bag of cat food; then I went to the neighbouring Sobey's and picked up a few bags of groceries. By the time I got to our driveway, I nearly collapsed from exhaustion. It was all I could do to haul the stuff into the house and put it away; then I was done for the day.

I really hope this is just from the radiation, that it's temporary and my strength will improve. I pray this isn't the way it's going to be from now on, and worse. I'm not ready for the decline yet. Of course, is anyone, ever?

I look at my dirty kitchen floor and it bugs me, but I can't muster the energy to do anything about it. Same with the cluttered kitchen table, the basket of laundry, the spatters on the bathroom vanity. I used to be so fastidious about these things.

I'm trying to eat, and I've been doin better, but keepin the food down is touch and go. My body's thermostat has gone nuts: I can sweat and have the chills at the same time, so I spend the better part of my day all bundled up with the tv on. Daytime television, ugh.

I don't like this.

Pooped Out



I'm still out here. The radiation has been kickin my butt. It was gettin so that I was so tired I was overtired, and was suffering totally sleepless nights, which of course made me feel even more depleted. The good news is that I have had two good sleeps in a row; PLUS I have been able to eat for three days in a row now. That has to mean that I'm climbin out of the abyss.

My shoulder is sunburned: hot, tender and itchy. Part of the skin has broken, but it could be a lot worse: at least my armpit didn't blister. I want to scratch but am forbidden to; thank goodness it is difficult to reach, not the kind of place you can scratch in your sleep. Curtis keeps my skin soothed and cooled with applications of pure aloe vera gel. I need him around all day, like a cabana boy.

Next weekend is Mother's Day, and I'm planning to bring a tea party to my mom's room, as a special treat for her. The following weekend is a special treat for Curtis and me: another wonderful long weekend at Barrier Bay. I look forward to the luxury of our rental cottage, the gorgeous scenery, the fishing, and the therapeutic sound of the loons on the lake. Ahhhhhhhhh, anticipation!

Songbird



RUN, don't walk, over to my niece Sharon's blog and listen to her sing another of her self-composed songs. Click here.

Rub-a-Dub-Dub



I hadn't taken a bath in some time - always showers. I'm not fond of "sittin in my own dirt," so when I do bathe, I always have a quick shower afterwards. Sometimes I was almost too weak to stand for that long, so showering could also be a problem. But today, I wanted to soak off some of the ink markings from my radiation. I followed instructions, not using any heavily perfumed soaps or lotions, so no bubble bath or oil. I used my Olay body wash for very dry skin, with shea butter, nice gentle-smelling stuff.

When I entered the tub, I quickly discovered one thing: my poor hiney has gotten so boney that it hurts to sit; lying back was far more comfortable. It felt soothing. Milo, my tabby, was, as always, deeply involved. I can't tell whether it's out of concern or just interest, but he sits on the toilet tank and on the edge of the tub and watches me closely. For some reason, he likes to drink the warm, perfumed bath water, yuk.

I had left the tv on in the bedroom, and I heard contestants on the Game Show Network excitedly cryin out, "higher! lower!" as the audience responded with cheers or groans. The sump pump came on once, which is a surprise, given how dry it has been. I submerged my ears and all the world was muffled to my hearing. At one point, I saw two fuzzy paws and a furry little face with big eyes peer over the edge of the tub for just a moment: Monkey Cat. Once she had determined that I was not drowned, she took her leave again.

I managed to fade the ink marks, without scrubbing, enough that there shouldn't be any more transfer to my clothing. Mission accomplished.

Funny how ordinary events can become major ones.

Toughing it Out


so tired i'm speaking in tongues

Dr L didn't think the radiation on my shoulder would cause me to feel that much fatigue, and neither did I, but we were both wrong. For some reason, I am also having a very hard time keeping any food down, and my taste buds are all screwed up; even water tastes yukky.

I did manage to keep Saturday's potluck down, and it was a very nice evening, even though it was sad to say goodbye to Father Robin. Next day's church service was even rougher, although Robin took me by both hands, said we would remain friends and remain in contact, and I was not to leave without a map made by his wife Cydnie to their place.

Carmelle's wedding shower was lovely. The room was all decorated in purple and white, and we sat at round tables of 8 and were served a nice fresh caesar salad with chicken, and cheesecake for dessert. My gift was a bigger success than I ever could have imagined; I think half the place was in tears. I hadn't slept a wink the night before (overtired), so I wore out after a couple of hours and had to leave before Carmelle finished opening her gifts. I tried to duck out discreetly, saying goodbye to a few individuals, but the next thing I knew, I was swarmed by women wanting to hug me and wish me well. One sweet little lady introduced herself as the mother of a woman who was talking to me, and she said, you have never met me, but I know you. I know all about your struggles and your courage, and I want to say God bless you. Next thing I knew, Carmelle was hugging me, having left her place of honour, and thanking me for my gift. I figured she would appreciate it, but I never guessed how much. Curtis was waiting to pick me up, so I gratefully wrapped my weepy self in his arms and went home to rest.

That night (Sunday), I took a sleeping pill and slept the next day completely away. I really needed the rest and didn't have a treatment on Monday. A while ago, I returned home from my last radiation therapy treatment. I left the technicians with a nice box of Boticelli chocolates and my thanks for their expertise. Over the next couple of weeks, I will ride out the full effects of the radiation: whatever burning, itching, blistering and fatigue it has in store for me. Gradually, my strength will return, and then, beginning on May 16, I will embark on my last attempt at drug treatment. The drugs have already been delivered to my door.

I doubt that I will do much of anything the remainder of this week. I have been feeling too exhausted to visit my mom, and she hasn't been answering her phone, so I can't give you any updates there. Saturday we are invited for dinner at our friend Marina's, and a bonfire, if the weather permits.