Cranes!


Here I am, with the most unforgettable gift I've ever gotten.




If you go to Kathy's crane project blog (http://craneproject.blogspot.com/), and you click to the older posts, you'll not only see the process of this wonderful surprise, but a video made by Herman on how to fold the paper cranes. When you see the tremendous amount of time and effort it takes to fold just one crane, it's no wonder I fall apart when I think of all that went into the folding of 1113 of them!


How can I ever thank you enough, my friends?


I was impressed with how painstakingly Kathy had strung the cranes, each with a bead between them.


With each blog name I came across, my emotions overcame me more.


This is the most meaningful gift I've ever received, and I will appreciate it until my last breath. I feel its healing power coursing through me.

A Thousand Cranes, A Million Thanks



When the Fed Ex guy came to the door and I saw a box for a printer and a canopy, I thought, oh no, Curtis went nuts on eBay again. Never in a million years did I expect what I found when I opened those boxes.

It moves me beyond description that Kathy conceived of this project, and that so many of my blogger friends contributed by folding a thousand paper cranes and praying with each fold for Curtis and me. How do you you thank people for that kind of love and support?

As it dawned on me the significance of what I was carefully removing from saran wrap, as I encountered the names of the bloggers who had contributed, I sat in the middle of the kitchen floor in my "cancer sucks" t-shirt, bawlin and snivelin my face off, completely overcome with emotion.

I thank you, my friends. And I tell you that the power of prayer helps; it really does. I feel better than I have in a while. I treasure your prayers and love more than I can ever say.

Thank you.

Book and Candle



Today started out sunny, but became cloudy and chilly. After my daily Bible reading, (Father Simon emailed the list to me, bless him), I plucked a book from my must-read shelf, something I haven't done in many months. Carol Shields, good writing. Put on my nice new size 10 jeans and my new "cancer sucks" t-shirt (because nuthin feels better than a pair of proper-fitting jeans and a fresh white t-shirt), and lit the three fresh-linen scented tealight candles in my Celtic knot candle holder. Popped a couple of chocolate macaroons into my mouth and settled into the corner of the leather livingroom couch, Duffy and Milo sleeping contentedly by my side. I read for a couple of hours.

And it was good. I'm gonna do it again.

The UPS guy came today with our two new bird feeders. They're beautiful. One is a gazebo style with a copper roof and leaf-etched windows; the other is a Paul Revere lantern style with a tin roof. Curtis is stopping to buy bird seed on the way home, and they should be hanging in our back yard by this evening. Now I'm on the hunt for something for the little Japanese garden in the back corner, and then I should be finished decorating the back yard.

Another Good Day



Curtis tasted the apple butter last night and said it turned out better than ever. I canned it this morning, so it's good to go. Then I dozed for a while before showering. I took a short walk and enjoyed the back yard, just relaxing in the sun on the patio swing for an hour. It was a balmy day today; the air was fresh and cool even though the sun was warm - just beautiful. It was too wet to weed, so I just relaxed. I made a batch of cake mix brownies; don't know if they're any good, but they smell nice and chocolatey. My nurse Ann visited, and I had only good news for her, although she was shocked to learn about my fall. For supper, I'm baking some frozen stuffed chicken breasts and wokking some oriental vegies. We sure have been enjoying the wonderful summer melon and pineapple.

My Dress is Here and it's Perfect

When I opened the door to let Father Simon in for his visit, there was my parcel from Coldwater Creek between the doors. After a very pleasant visit, I immediately unpacked the dress and tried it on. It's beautiful, and it fits like it was custom made for me. My dress shoes match it perfectly. It's a little rumpled from being packed, but that's nothing a careful steaming won't take care of. For now, I'll just let it hang. I'm so pleased. I'm going to get my hair done that day, too. I won't look like the dying aunt at the wedding; I'm gonna look pretty.

Beautiful Sunday



Today began hot and muggy, and it looked like another thunderstorm was imminent. But it didn't happen; it cleared up and the evening was beautiful and clear.

We started the day by visiting my mom. She was so glad to see us, but we couldn't stay long because she had to go for lunch. Just as well; there's little to talk about and she's doing fine, anyway. Then we went to Sobey's and grocery shopped. Curtis found the Dibs ice cream snack I've been lookin for since seeing commercials on TV. I'm not normally an ice cream fan, but are those little suckers ever good. After putting the groceries away, we went to Dollarama and filled an entire cart for 39 bucks. We got some really good stuff, including 5 big jars of apple sauce, which I put into the crock pot overnight to make old-fashioned apple butter the easy way.

At dinnertime, we enjoyed fresh corn and lemonade, and three kinds of melon for dessert: watermelon, canteloupe and Santa Claus melon, all of which were juicy and sumptuous. Have any of you ever had the Santa Claus melon? It's to die for.

We enjoyed an evening of puttering in the back yard and sittin on our patio, me on our beloved porch swing. I made plans to buy a couple of decorative bird feeders or houses to suspend from a double hanger, just to gussy up the yard a little more.

Tomorrow afternoon our new pastor, Father Simon, is coming over to visit and give me communion. Before then, I plan to do some weeding in the garden with the battery-operated domajiggy that Curtis bought.

It's shaping up to be a beautiful summer.

Odds and Sods



I'm more scuffed up than I realized from the fall I had earlier this week, my elbows especially. Been having some trouble with nausea the last couple of days, too. Tonight we are going to Marina's for a bonfire; I'm feelin a little tired but I think it will do me good. Hope we don't get the thunderstorms with which they are threatening us.

There hasn't been much hoopla about it, but pretty soon another season of Big Brother begins. It's a silly show, but I confess it is one of my addictions, and I made some really good internet friends through its chat. The last couple of years things got ugly in the live feeds chat room, so I'm gonna stay out of there and just stick to private chat with my buddies, Penny, Lisa, Bama, Liz and Lucas.

We still don't have our patio furniture up; hopefully this weekend. We just seem to get distracted by shopping and the casino, both of which only cost us money.

We are looking forward to our week-long cottage rental at Netley Creek again, at the start of August. We enjoyed it so much last year, and I was really suffering from side effects then, so this year should be even better. The place was perfect except that it had only a bathtub and not a shower stall. Well, the owner put one of those round stalls into the tub, hooray!

Speaking of tubs, I have a bath bench in ours now, so that I don't have to stand for so long while takin a shower. My legs are weak, and I was concerned about a slip and fall accident, so Curtis picked up the bench and now I feel safer when bathing.

I ordered a t-shirt online the other day. It says, "Cancer Sucks."

It's on its Way



I just got notice that the dress I ordered has been shipped. I hope it fits!

Crash Test Dummy



Yesterday afternoon, right after posting my happy little blog, I treated myself to a late sushi lunch. As I stepped off the kitchen bar stool, I tripped or slipped or somehow otherwise lost my footing, and plummetted face first into the kitchen cupboards. How I didn't break my nose I'll never know, but I did end up with some chunks out of it, bleeding elbows, knees and thumb, and mangled eyeglasses. I called Curtis at work and he came home and took me to the optical shop at Wal-Mart so I could get my lens put back in and my frames bent back into shape.

I'm really lucky I didn't injure myself more severely, but I've learned a valuable lesson: I need to be more careful. This is not the first spill I've had recently, but it's the worst. I find that I'm not very steady on my feet, so I need to take things more slowly and cautiously. This morning the bridge of my nose is tender, and I feel like I have a bit of whiplash in my neck. I look a little like the victim of domestic abuse, which worries Curtis, my gentle giant.

Coulda been a whole lot worse.

Sleeping on Air



When I described to the good nurse Ann, how plagued I was by night sweats, she furrowed her brow, then picked up the phone, and ordered a special pump-driven air mattress for my bed. It was delivered to my door a few days later. It gradually inflates and deflates, so as to keep my body cooler, and it is really comfortable. I can barely hear the pump. Like sleepin on a cloud! And I haven't awakened soaking wet, once, since Curtis hooked it up for me.

When Curtis and I planned our church wedding for back in January of 2004, I bought a gorgeous Jones of New York suit to wear. I had lost weight due to my cancer surgery, and it fit beautifully. But, of course, I gained, and was unable to wear it, so I bought a lovely two-piece gown from Coldwater Creek to wear instead. As I have been steadily losing weight over the past year, I planned to wear the suit to my nephew Travis' wedding in October, instead. Unfortunately, now I have the opposite problem: I can't keep the skirt on my hips, and the jacket looks like it should fit Herman Munster. Too big to have altered, I think. So, I turned to Coldwater Creek again and found a really pretty dress on sale. They're low in stock, so I have my fingers crossed that my order will be filled, and that I guessed at the right size. If things don't work out, I'll have plenty of time to seek an alternative, but I'll be disappointed. If they work out, I'll post a picture of it and you can tell me what you think.

Tomorrow I look forward to a visit from my friend Sharon; Wednesday my nurse visits and Friday I'm going for Chinese lunch with a lady from church if I feel up to it. Despite an occasionally wobbly tummy, I am feeling so much better since I went on palliative care. I'm so glad I had the radiation on my shoulder, even though it me feel crummy for a while; because the pain is greatly decreased and the mobility of my arm is greatly increased.

Mother Nature continues to water and nurture the flowers that my friend Marina put in for me. I did up three more pots myself, and everything is healthy and pretty.

Life is good.

Happy Father's Day



I miss you, Dad.

Pain



For the past few days, I've suffered indescribable pain from a pretty serious abdominal blockage, but thanks to Ann, my palliative care nurse, the worst is over and I appear to be on the mend. I really don't know how I would have managed without this skillful woman's care, and I'm very grateful for her thoroughness and persistence.

Saturday is the ladies' Strawberry Tea at the church, and although I will probably not be able to attend, I have made an adorable "Sunday Schooler's Basket" for the silent auction. It has a colouring/activity book with biblical themes, a box of a bazillion crayons with a built-in sharpener, a book with the 23rd psalm and the Lord's prayer in it, and a little plush lamb that recites the bedtime prayer. It's all done up in cello wrap and a pretty ribbon, and I'm sure some little child will be thrilled to win it - I know I would be. I love to contribute such prizes to help the church with its fund-raising. Curtis and I will drop it off Saturday morning. Like Leslie, I am gratified by being able to produce something fetching even when I'm not feeling all that well.



I do hope to be able to enjoy the nice weather this weekend. The combination of daytime sunshine and nighttime showers are giving our flowers and tomato plants a great beginning. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE this time of year, with all its greenness and growth? It would be nice to get our patio furniture set up this weekend, with the swing, table and umbrella set and chimnea. I'd like to barbecue some bacon-wrapped filets and have an al fresco dinner with potato salad and fresh homemade lemonade. Makes me feel better just to think about it.

Thank you all for your kind comments and e-mails. Your support is tremendously encouraging and uplifting.

Palliative Care



My palliative care nurse, Ann, came over today and spent a couple of hours exchanging information, filling in forms, giving advice, and filling me in on the program. Very impressive. We discussed some of the "heavy stuff," like the DNR (do not resuscitate) order, etc. Luckily, I'm okay with stuff like that, so it wasn't an emotional issue for me. Many things were clarified with respect to all the meds that I am taking, so I feel much better informed now.

Because of tumor activity, I suffer from night sweats. I often end up changing my nightclothes and mattress protector pads as a consequence. Ann is ordering a motorized bed mattress for me that will help to cool my body during the night.

The people at CancerCare and Palliative Care Manitoba are professional and compassionate, and I feel very fortunate to be in their hands. They embrace you with kindness and caring, and support you with their expertise.

A Good Weekend



We had perfect weather for our little pool party gathering on Saturday, and then the weather held for Curtis to putter in the garage on Sunday. I watered some pots and hung out in a lawn chair with him, trying to deal with the chronic effects of constipation. Without going into detail, it's making me miserable, and I can't wait for it to clear up. I'll be making phone calls to pharmacies tomorrow to see if any of them carry the old-fashioned hot water bottle enema kits, because the meds just aren't handling the problem adequately.

Other than that, it's been a good weekend. We didn't make it to church again today, and I tried a new recipe that turned out yukky (it was for an Asian shrimp soup, very disappointing), and the new shelf units that Curtis bought for the garage were missing parts - the usual, ORDINARY, annoying, everyday stuff that I have learned to appreciate.

I had a stomach ache most of Saturday and Sunday that had me concerned, but it seems to have cleared up on its own. I was beginning to wonder if I was on too many stomach meds at one time so I cut back today. I hope it's not the steroid causing the problem, because it's the one thing makin me feel a lot better overall.

For the first time, my brother Fred told me to NOT visit our mom; that's how confused and out of it she is. He is considering taking her phone away, as she only uses it to make wild distress calls to him in the middle of the night.

Although my taste buds are still wonky, I am grateful for the ability to eat and keep my food down. I'm still a pretty feeble old broad, but I sure feel a lot better than I did.

Addendum 11:22 am: This morning I spoke to my palliative care coordinator, Sandy. She gave me lots of information about the program (which is fantastic, really), took a bunch of info (she had called Friday but I was getting my blood transfusions at CancerCare), and suggested I get a Fleet home enema from the pharmacy to solve my woes. I'm awaiting its delivery like a hungry dawg.

Tomorrow I will get a phone call from a palliative care nurse who will set up a home visit with me. From now on all my prescriptions are paid for - is that a great program, or what? It feels good to know that I have 24-hour access to home or hospital care, regardless of my needs. I am at peace with the way things are, and Curtis is greatly comforted by my improved sense of well-being.

Joy



What a difference a day makes! The steroid drug I was prescribed has made me feel like a whole new person: peppier, more alive, healthier. I am dressed with my bed made, I am eating and I don't feel sick.

On top of that, Father Robin appeared at my doorstep today, and we had the best visit. He really boosted my spirits.

I spent eons on the phone with my dear friend Sharon (Mel, Shar-Bear) and we laughed and reminisced and shared as only the two of us can. I told her I'd like her to speak at my funeral, and she said she'd be honoured. Now that's a friend.

And as if that wasn't enough, a dozen gorgeous fragrant yellow roses were delivered to my door, sent all the way from my friend Penny in New Hampshire.

I am truly blessed.

And I'm a confirmed steroid monkey.

Taking Care of ellen



Curtis and I came home from CancerCare armed with a fresh supply of meds designed to ease the symptoms that have been making me so miserable: fatigue, lack of appetite, nausea, constipation and coughing. Dr G said, we've been taking care of the cancer; now it's time to take care of ellen. He described the palliative care program and I signed papers to register for it; from now on, keeping me comfortable will be priority one. No more aggressive treatment of the disease.

Friday I will go in for 2 more blood transfusions, hopefully that will bring my counts closer to normal. (Apparently, they were at 40 instead of 145 before my last transfusion, yikes.)

I'll be hearing more from the palliative care team in the next week or two.